Tuesday, March 17, 2015


Today marks three years since my dad passed away. It seems like such a small number of years, but the changes feel endless. I can hardly wrap my mind around them. That day, three years ago, I was living in an apartment in DC. Tocco and I had just gotten married. T had recently begun commuting to San Francisco for a job that would eventually become full time. I was still teaching 4th grade. I hadn't yet earned my Master's degree. My sister's boys were just 1, 4, and 7. They were living in North Carolina. My mom was teaching with several more years until retirement ahead of her.... 

That Tocco and I moved to California (and experienced all of the memories we've had here) in the time since he died is wild to me. That we were able to buy and renovate an entire home in this time is so hard to believe. I never could have predicted that I was about to make such a huge career change. I finished my degree. Babies were a likely but very distant wish for us three years ago. We were newlyweds. Tocco's mom was still alive. We thought we were moving to NYC and talked to Dad about that. And now, it's all so different. I can feel my daughter (his first granddaughter) kicking me as I type this. I work at a start-up that has gone public. Mom is retiring after 40 years of teaching (and Dad would be so proud of her hard work.) My sister and her family are about to move to Germany. So much... He would have loved to be a part of all of this. I have to remember that he is. Even though I cannot see him, he is everywhere. I half expect some days to walk into the kitchen in Maryland, see him sitting in his chair at the table, listening to some new band, saying something smart, waiting for the wax on his car to dry so he could buff it off. Even though life is crazy some things won't ever change, right? I hope. I really miss you Dad. I love you.